SPM essay - My Other Half

I was rummaging through my folders in my computer when I founded this! The essay that I wrote for SPM 2012. Somehow, it certainly brought back some memories! Huhu~ It's kinda long to the point where I think it can be considered as a oneshot story. Anyhow, I decided to post it here just for fun. Hehe.. Hope you'll enjoy it!!~ (n_n)v

My Other Half

I was excited as I tore open the envelope. It was a letter that I had been waiting for for the past few months. With trembling hands, I pulled the letter out and read its contents, eager to know what the letter was saying. As I finished, I jumped for joy and shouted my thanks to god for making my biggest dream come true. I just could not believe it! I read the letter again and again to confirm that what I was reading before was right. Yes! My eyes were not playing tricks on me.  Got it! I got the scholarship to further my studies in the United States.  

“Alexa! Alexaaaaa!” My heart skipped several beats as I ran to give this amazing news to Alexa, my twin sister. I peered into her room. She was not there. Her mobile phone was on her bedside table. “That is weird” I thought. “Knowing Alexa, she will never go anywhere without her phone”.  Suddenly, I heard a familiar giggle. It came from the wardrobe. Definitely Alexa’s. I would recognize that bubbly laugh anywhere.  “Found you!” I said. Hide and seek had always been our favorite game since childhood. She was always better than me in hiding because of her small figure. However, she could not contain her giggles whenever she was excited and that always give her hiding place away. My twin climbed out from the cupboard. “I heard you shouted for my name … well… I think the whole neighbourhood can hear it”. She smiled cheekily. “So, what is it?” Enthusiastically, I told her about the scholarship and she too, joined the cheer.    

That night, I lay awake with a smile plastered on my face. Lady luck must be smiling down upon me as I knew it was hard to get the scholarship. It was hours ago that I received the letter but the joy never recede. I was so happy and elated. I feel like I am at the top of the world! Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind.  This scholarship means I have to leave my family behind. It must be difficult to live thousands of miles away from home, from my parents and from Alexa. I let out a heavy sigh. Then, I heard a soft knock on the door. It was Alexa.  “Brother, are you still awake?” It seemed as though as she can sense something was not right. My sister then invited herself into my room and said “I could not sleep either. Let’s can’t sleep together!” There is no use hiding anything from Alexa. She understands me too well. So I told her my dilemma. She was quiet the whole time, listening intently. After a moment of silence, Alexa got her thoughts together and begin to encourage me to accept the scholarship. I listened to every word she said and eventually agreed with her.  Good opportunity is hard to come by.  After all, it is just for several years. “Nothing could possibly go wrong” I thought. However, little did I know that I was wrong. Very wrong.

It had been four years since I left home and went to America. After years of hard work, I managed to complete my studies and hold a Masters Degree in Cancer Biology. After my convocation, some of my friends invited me to join them for a graduation trip. As tempting as it seems, I politely decline because I decided to come back home earlier. Throughout my studies, I never went back because it was too costly. I did not want to burden my parents who only work as clerks. Now, I just cannot contain my urge to go home any longer.  Not only because I miss my family so much, but coming home earlier also means that I will be around to celebrate Alexa’s birthday. As twins, we shared the same birthday.  I wondered about the possible things that my sister would buy for my birthday. She always had the wackiest idea when it comes to my gifts. Weirdly enough, I would end up loving them all the same. I bought a limited edition mobile phone strap for her. It costs me quite a fortune but I am sure it will all be worth it when I see her smile.

It felt great to be back. Hours of long flight and transit could not dampen my good mood. I am as happy as a lark, humming and singing the chorus of “I’m Coming Home” to myself. “I’m coming home, I’m coming home, tell the world I’m coming home, let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday…” Since I did not remember the rest of the song, I just repeated this part again and again.  I pushed my luggage trolley and walked out from the arrival gate of Kuala Lumpur International Airport.  I searched the arrival lounge and instantly spot my parents in the crowd. Seeing the happy faces brought tears to my eyes as it had certainly been a long time since I last met them in person. The whole time I was away, we only contacted each other via e-mails and video-conferences. Despite all the technology advancement and fast internet connection, nothing beats face to face interaction.

I rushed towards my parents and gave them both a four years worth of bear hug. My mother always complains whenever I hug her too tightly but today, she just hug me back as firmly. She must be really happy to see me. Dad was smiling too. I peered over their shoulders and asked “Where is Alexa?”  All of a sudden, both of them became very quiet. It feels as if there was a cold wind that swept through us.  All of us remained silent until mum broke the ice by telling me that I would see her soon.  I did not understand the awkward expressions shown on their faces. They were happy to see me, no doubt.  But at the same time they also looked nervous, apologetic, angry, sad and tired at the same time. It seems as though as they were hiding something from me. I shrugged it off and decided that it might be that they are planning a surprise party for me. After all, I am not really good at reading emotions. That is Alexa’s forte. She got the EQ and left the IQ for me.  

As we arrived home, I quickly dashed inside to search for my sister. I shouted her name and searched for her everywhere.  Hide and seek had always been our favourite game. But, searching for her had never been this tough. “Weird” I thought.  I looked under the bed, inside the cupboard, behind the doors and in the bathroom. I even wait for her giggles. Yet, she is nowhere to be found. All the time I was playing the game, both of my parents just stood transfixed at the front door, appearing uncertain of what to do. In the end, I gave up my search and decided to just ask my parents about her whereabouts. Mom solemnly smiled and asked me to follow them. Dad murmured “Let us go to Alexa”.  I followed obediently and would never have guessed that mom and dad was leading me to our neighbourhood graveyard.  

Confused, I started to ask questions. “Mom why-…. err.. dad?... Umm… where exactly are we going?” But they did not answer. The somber environment makes it clear to me that I should just keep quiet and follow. Answers will soon come. Nevertheless, there is no way Alexa will hide at a cemetery. Not alone at least. She is afraid of ghosts and nothing represent ghost more than graves. I remembered how she cried her eyes out when I forced her to listen to ghost stories.  Once, she refused to sleep alone at night for the whole two weeks. After watching a ghost movie, she will sleep with her lights on.  Aark!! Aark!!  An eerie cry from a crow perched on a nearby dead tree jolted me back to reality.

After a few minutes of walking in silence, my parents stopped next to a grave that looked quite new compared to the others. Automatically, I read the name carved on the tombstone. Time stops. My knees suddenly felt very weak. It feels like my heart stopped beating. My throat was dry. I fell on my knees as warm tears started to fall from my eyes. Alexa’s name was carved on it. Alexa… my one and only sister, my other half… is gone. There are no words in the world that can describe the pain or the grief I felt inside.  I sat next to the grave crying non-stop. Tears were flooding out and nothing in this world can stop them.

After a while, my mom explained that she died two months ago due to cancer. Her voice was shaking. My parents wanted to inform me about it but Alexa begged them not to. She did not want me to be distracted from my studies. I cried in agony. “WHY? WHY DID YOU LET HER DO THAT? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME? WHY?” I stood up to face them. What I saw was something I am not ready for. My mum who was known for her smile burst into tears. As for my father, I never seen my father cried before. But today, he too, succumbs to sadness. Both of them suddenly look old. Very old.  Immediately, I regretted my outburst. They were hurting too. The pain was not mine alone.  Both my parents hugged me to comfort my broken heart. After a while, dad gave me a letter. Then they went away to give me some time alone. I looked at the letter and instantly recognized the handwriting. I would recognize that neat handwriting anywhere. It was Alexa’s. With shaking hands, I opened the letter. The whole world becomes quiet. It was a long letter. Of all the contents of the letter, I remembered two parts the most. The beginning and the ending.  

“My dear twin brother, if you are reading this letter, it means that I am already away from you. Only god knows how much I wished I can hold on until your return. I am sorry for not being able to congratulate you face to face on you achievement in becoming a doctor. I had always wanted to be a doctor but I can’t. Therefore, I am very happy that you are. Thank you for fulfilling my dreams. Our dreams. I am proud to be you sister.” Towards the end of the letter, she wrote “ Brother, please do not mourn over my absence. Remember me as the happy and cheerful sister. I am sorry for having to leave you. Please live a happy life and all the best to you. Loads of love, your other half, Alexa.”

As a doctor, I knew cancer. I have spent years observing cancer patients. So I could not help it but to imagine Alexa writing this letter with her frail hand. Cancer patients get tired easily.  It must took her a lot of effort to write this. She probably needs to rest a while before writing the next page. Dying is scary and she must be scared. Worse, I was not there by her side. There are a lot of tear stains on the paper. She must be crying as she wrote this letter. This farewell letter, written as her life is diminishing.

“All of a sudden, I heard a soft pitter patter of rain. It looks like the sky was also crying with me.  Even as the rain falls heavier, I still stood there next to the grave, not moving an inch. The rain soaked me to the skin, but I did not care. I sat down on the ground and started to talk to the grave, imagining as though as Alexa was there. “Thank you Alexa, for being a great sister to me. I will miss you. I will always remember you. Till the day we meet again, you will always live in my heart. May you rest in peace.”I did not remember how long I stayed there and do my crying in the rain.  After a long time that seems like eternity, I stood up and realized that things would never be the same again.

Written By,

me_219